The Private Lives3 research shows inequalities in LGBTIQ mental wellbeing. It raises questions about how we get through tough stuff. One way is to share our strengths. Sharing our strengths can help others find hope and build our own power. Finding our #QueerStrong does not absolve Queerphobes of responsibility for the impacts of their actions - rather it says: we're not waiting for your enlightenment, we are living our best lives now. We invite you to share what #QueerStrong means to you and how you found your Strong.
About #QueerStrong
Many Queer (LGBTIQ) people have experienced tough times and found their strong. We want to learn what strong means to Queer communities, and discover how Queer community members found their strong. This appreciative inquiry approach is about celebrating and consolidating Queer strength - and sharing stories with others to help build their strong. Our patron is Ro Allen, Victorian Commissioner for LGBTIQ+ communities.
Below you will find information on how to share your story, as well as three Queer Fairy Tales, portraits of #QueerStrong in Geelong and a gallery of stories that have been shared with us.
The Campaign is part of Finding Strong, a campaign being undertaken by the Kindness Pandemic in collaboration with Beyond Blue and with support from the Department of Premier and Cabinet Victoria.
Below you will find information on how to share your story, as well as three Queer Fairy Tales, portraits of #QueerStrong in Geelong and a gallery of stories that have been shared with us.
The Campaign is part of Finding Strong, a campaign being undertaken by the Kindness Pandemic in collaboration with Beyond Blue and with support from the Department of Premier and Cabinet Victoria.
How to share your story
If you would like to share your story about what strong (mentally strong, or resilient) means to you, here are the steps to participate:
We will include a collection of stories on this page and we Beyond Blue may also share your story on their social media. Please also check our other pages for story galleries.
- Share a story about what strong means to you as a Queer person and how you achieved it
- Use words to tell your story (please try to keep to under 200 words)
- Please also share an image to help tell your story
- Share your words and image to your social media with the hashtag #QueerStrong and #BeyondBlue
- Share your story to the Kindness Pandemic Facebook group directly or email and we will share it for you.
We will include a collection of stories on this page and we Beyond Blue may also share your story on their social media. Please also check our other pages for story galleries.
Ro Allen, Victorian Commissioner for LGBTIQ+ communities, Campaign Patron
Ro Allen: As a young person I was given the worst messages about being LGBTIQ+. The world, and the church, tried to suppress and change my sexuality and gender expression. I would never have believed back then that I would be part of a government that is committed to banning conversion practices. This #QueerStrong message is for my 15-year-old self. Thank you for deciding to stick around. Thank you for your commitment to this world, which I still carry within me. And my #FindingStrong now, as the Victorian Commissioner for LGBTIQ+ Communities, comes from those communities. Doing this role is a privilege. I not only do it for you, and for 15-year-old me, I draw strength from each of you and your stories. #FindingStrong #QueerStrong
Pride Fairy Tales
We bought older and younger Queer folk together to write three beautiful Fairy Tales about Pride. The stories reflect the real life experiences and journey to Strong taken by the authors. More details on the Pride Fairy tales webpage and see links below
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The Flying Bombyx
coming soon |
The Mole Rebellion
coming soon |
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Queer Strong in Geelong
In partnership with the Jo Bangles Project we reached out to Queer folk in in the Geelong region to hear what makes Queer rural folk strong. Special thanks to Bear and Scoobes for allowing us at the Queer community celebration and to Ferne Millen Photography for the beautiful photographs of Queer rural folk with their messages about Strong.
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Story Gallery
Email us your story to include in this gallery - to help bring hope to others, until they find their strong.
Emily Unity: Growing up, I was always surrounded by other people's expectations. Whether it be about getting straight A's, being skinny enough, or finding a "good husband", it always felt like everyone had their own idea of who I should be. But no matter how hard I tried, I'd always disappoint someone that I cared about.
For years, I struggled with depression, anxiety, domestic violence, eating disorders, and my sexuality. It felt like there was this growing emptiness inside of me. I felt like a lost cause - like there was something inherently wrong with me and I was never meant to get better.
Healing looks different for everyone, but for me, it was finding out that I wasn't alone. When I was going through everything, I can't tell you how much it helped find people who genuinely understood what I was feeling because they had lived it. I finally have the courage to share my story and know that I am not too broken to get better.
So, to the people who are struggling, who are fighting off their demons every day, you are not over exaggerating. You are not too sensitive. And you are not alone.
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Caitlin Grigsby:I was recently asked by one of the strongest people I know to share how I ‘found my strong’ through tough times. And I’ll be honest, I let the message sit there for two weeks unanswered, thinking, strong is the last thing I feel right now.
I didn’t reply, I didn’t want to let her down. During these times in particular, those of us mantled with some kind of leadership status (however grateful and blessed we feel to be a resource and support to others)… well, it’s just easier to say nothing at all. Buy ourselves some time, until we are in a moment of strong, or at least positioned to offer that façade externally. Because if we aren’t ok, then it’s not ok. As if doing (saying the words out loud) will edge open a door we are desperately trying to keep closed with both hands. Overwhelm, fear, fatigue, shared isolation and frustration. Right now, I think strong is measured in just doing one’s best.
And what I’ve learned through all of this is that doing our best, surviving, keeping it together (as much as is healthy), well, that’s enough. If my wife, my life, my clients, even COVID, has taught me anything, it is that there is strength in not being strong at all. (continued next image)
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Caitlin Grigsby:
#FindingStrong, I don’t have to look far. It’s the moments where I’ve worked with a client closing their doors and more worried about their staff than food on their own tables. It’s the leader trying to maintain momentum and contribute to community, the people trying their darndest to keep up the act for the ones looking to them for strength, only to crawl into bed exhausted and have a bloody good cry. It’s the frightened nurse or aged care worker who just keeps showing up day after day.
Strength is in vulnerability, in authenticity, in sharing our grief in the face of circumstances unfamiliar and scary to us all. It’s in owning the ‘not okay-ness’ of these impossible situations. It’s in the reaching out for help to get us through. Strength is in perseverance, but also in the stumble and fall – the frustrated tears, the venting phone call with a friend you can’t touch or sit with. Because it takes real strength to let go too, to allow ourselves a moment of release, recuperation and recharge.
Finding my strong isn’t hard. It’s in them that I am reminded that we are all just doing the very best we can and that we all occasionally need to stumble and fall in order to pick ourselves back up and keep on ‘keeping on’. To me, that is real strength.
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Max Primmer: Looking back over my life, I feel I have always been a positive and resilient person, I also believe that accepting who I am and the life I needed to live has made me strong. Family love and support has helped me through tough times. Life has thrown quite a few curveballs at me and I have always got through these times with my positive attitude. Finding one true love and spending 30 years with that Man has also helped me through. He died in 2000 and I have moved on with my life by starting a new chapter in my journey. I have been close to death on a few occasions and have always thought I am not ready to die yet so fight this thing and get through it all. I have lived a very good life being true to myself and have also believed that I am Me and if that not to your liking then move on. It’s not my issue what you think. I am who I am. Now at an age where I am an Elder of our community, I am ready to teach and share my experiences of strength and love. Live it, Love it, Embrace it
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Sally Goldner AO: I have a personal definition of leadership that is “leadership is the transference of strength.” We all have strength and can give more when we grow that strength.
To cope with these unprecedented times means growing beyond previous “safety” and “comfort” zones. My early life, both in relation to gender identity (and other factors) meant I often felt mistrustful and abandoned as when I reached out for support, I didn’t get that support and affirmation and/or was outright ridiculed. I have until C19/lockdown been very cautious about reaching out and to whom.
By breaking out and being trusting in a more balanced way and finding support when needing it, I have strengthened myself and been able to bounce back from down moments more quickly. I can then continue doing what I can to strengthen others. This could involve posting fun items on social media e.g. famous peoples’ birthdays, animal clips, the daily good thing that happened and (be warned) bad puns including kink and queer puns.
The thing is, if it gives people a smile and a laugh that makes their day easier for 5 minutes then that is giving strength and leadership…and the bonus is I get little back too.
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Brad McKay: I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 11 years ago. I was always more of an outcast than my peers and never seemed to fit the “normal” stereotypical of a young male. For years I isolated myself and shut out the real world as I indulged in books, films and video games, finding solace within those characters.
It took many attempts to take control of pushing my boundaries and getting out of my comfort zone. Opening up to closest friends and family about my struggles created an open dialogue and support network.
My strength comes from compassion and willing to be vulnerable. To open up to others and just be authentic to myself. I endeavour to see the beauty in the world around me and really live for the simple things.
I now have such a genuine partner who inspires and motivates me daily to be myself. My advice to others is to be who you want to be. Don't become who you think you should be. We are strong because of our diversity and individuality, not by our ability to blend in with others. Don't hide your passions and desires, embrace them as your true strength. And remember, to seek help when needed is a sign of strength, not one of weakness.
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Samuel Gaskin: To me is strength in vulnerability ….
When I learned this lesson it set me free ….
Strong for me, is asking for help , guidance , assistance, not letting me melt ….
Strong for me, is finding my happy , my fun , my peace, connection with family ….
Strong for me, embraces all parts, my Queerness , My Blackness, my love for the arts …..
Strong for me, is showing up for myself, nature walks , time out , letting some Whitney Houston belt …..
Strong for me, has been a long journey I’m still travelling, still growing, but most of all learning …….
Strong for me, was built from the dark, the sadness, the hard stuff, some childhood harm …….
Strong for me, is learning the lessons, embrace them and trace them to where they first happened …..
Strong for me, is blocking the GRIM. F#ck the news , F#ck the media, I’m going within …….
Strong for me, is playing with my puppies , my children , my husband, enjoying my garden …….
Strong for me, is LIVING MY BEST LIFE!
I won’t be happy till im doing it Oprah styles …….
Strong for me, is building my dreams , my music , my mana , my “RECKONING”
Photographer: Anna Fry
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Andrew Rogers: Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life over a decade. At my lowest point in 2016, when suicide again seemed the only option, a friend rang me. He asked a question: “Why have you disappeared?”.
My response was hesitant – I needed to know he was genuinely concerned. I then unfolded it all: I was unwell, unemployed, unsupported, and uncertain.
I ended with “I am broken beyond repair”. Hearing me out, he replied: “We can help”.
That help was practical, and hands on. Over six months, he and twenty others from the Melbourne Chargers (a gay and inclusive rugby club) held working bees that readied my house for sale. After it sold, they sheltered me and fed me, and kept me safe for months until I found a place of my own.
To this day, those same people hold tight a safety net, so my words now are of recovery and wellness. Their collective strong first restored and now nurtures my participation in life, so I grow bolder as I grow older.
My own strong is the embrace of these people whose collective strong weaves together a multi-generational family that, unquestioningly, creates a place that is home. That’s gay strong.
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Sean Towner: Growing up with a secret so dark that I thought I would never have the strength to say out loud was a heavy burden to carry as a young kid. It was a burden so heavy for me, that it nearly cost me my life.
It wasn’t until I had one conversation with one person that changed my life forever. That conversation, and the fact that I had found one other person to open up to, was where I found my strength.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but that conversation would build into a relationship that continues to make me stronger to this day, because the one person that I spoke to back then eventually became my best friend, and then my husband.
My strength came from sharing my pain with another. It’s this shared pain that makes us all stronger. Suffering with depression, anxiety or any other heavy emotional torment is like walking around carrying a bag of bricks on your back. I believe that every time you share your story with someone, it’s like handing them a brick, which makes your load easier to carry - and helps make you stronger.
Conversations can save lives, and we can all be someone else’s strength just by being there to listen and support - now more than ever □ With Michael C. Towner.
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Michael Winn: In times of hardship, it often feels like it takes all the effort in the world to be strong, and even more
to be kind. But when the going gets tough, the tough get kinder. To have the strength within myself
to make it through, I need to know that the world is there for me, and there for others. I need to
reaffirm that I exist in a world of togetherness, and a world of kindness. In my search for good, I
realised that I could be my own answer. That by playing a role in helping shape the world into a
place that I wanted to be a part of, I was strengthened by the good I then saw around me. By being
kind to others, it was easier for me to see the kindness in others, which in turn gives me strength.
Because it’s those who are kind that we need in our world. Those who lift our spirits, who inspire us
to keep going, no matter what life may throw at us. It can be hard to be kind, but there is strength to
be found within it, and the work is more than worth the reward.
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RJ:
For so long I thought being strong was all about physicality and power. It was all I’d seen and felt. One person using their strength over another. Racism, violence, homophobia and misogyny were all seen, heard and felt strongly.
Somehow I got away from that, along the way I decided to find a new way of being strong. I didn’t get it right all of time. I discovered the strength associated with words, with kindness but probably the most import place I found strength was in my own vulnerability.
I found a family of choice, they gave me strength by sharing theirs with me. I found a pride in my sexuality rather than shame. I began to own my identity. I worked hard to forge a career and continue to work with people to help them see their strength and celebrate it.
I have a wife who is proud to be with me, where I’ve come from and who encourages me to celebrate my strength, my survival. Together we’re raising four girls. They too will know strength, they already have it and it makes my heart sing.
I’m queer, I’m strong. I fought for this.
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Tim Stewart: Within a period of 6 years I had a severe case of depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation; separated and divorced after a 20-year marriage with 3 kids and came out to my ex-wife, children, family and friends, which is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. For me, building up my mental strength and resilience took a number of years and has been crucial in helping me get through the above challenging times in my life. I decided it was important to speak up early and to share my feelings with others I trusted which took courage but gave me the instant support I needed. My psychiatrist was critical in assisting me overcome my depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts through medications and psychological therapy. I also confided in a work colleague who is gay when deciding to come out and he was a pillar of strength in giving me inner strength and guidance. My partner at the time and now husband, Jon, was and still is a huge support in helping me build resilience and strength and vice versa. I believe, it is extremely important to build a support network you trust around you to help you through tough and challenging periods in your life and to help build ones resilience. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.
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Catherine Barrett: What made me strong? Coming out made me strong. I realised I was joining a marginalised group that experienced discrimination and abuse – and everyday microaggressions. There was a point where I was deciding to come out – where I realised if I was going to do it I had to stand PROUD. Not just because I wanted to cue other people. But because I decided that if I was going to acknowledge this really important part of who I am – I need to be there for myself 100%. I needed to valued my sexuality and I needed to value myself. I'm getting really good at it. Not saying I’m perfect, just saying that I have worked at it. What does strong mean to me? Strong means that I back myself. It means I value myself. I am not waiting for other people (as often) to affirm me – I decide who I am and what my value is. That’s strong. Understanding and valuing myself has meant that I can weather so many storms now. The older I get, the stronger I get. Strong means I know who I am and it also means I love who I am (mostly).
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Information about supports
There are a number of Queer specific resources you can access, here are some of them;
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Support and Collaborations
Queer Strong is led by the Kindness Pandemic, collaboration with Beyond Blue and The Jo Bangles Project and to be supported by the Department of Premier and Cabinet, Victoria.
Contact us
Contact the project team Dr Catherine Barrett and Merrin Wake on
- Email: info@thekindnesspandemic.org
- Phone: Dr Catherine Barrett 0429 582 237 Merrin Wake 0422208776
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